Reading Brambles by W. Brian Overcast got me thinking about my own family. Overcast talked about his nuclear family and the divorce of his parents. The piece made me think about how the way you are raised and the personality of your parents really influences your own personality. I love my mother and she would do anything for my sister and I, but she tends to get mad too easily. She sometimes freaks over little things and I always tell myself I don’t want to be like that. Even though I am learning from her faults I still have moments where I act like her. Spending most of your time around someone makes it hard not to mimic some of their actions.
My dad grew up in an abusive family. Even though he is not abusive towards us it is really hard for him to be emotional with my sister and I. Being the first child it really affected our relationship when I was younger. It wasn’t until a few years ago that my dad and I became close. My dad never had a loving family growing up and it shows in some of the choices he makes. I feel fortunate that both my parents raised me so I could learn from each of their flaws and strengths.
Luckily I was raised with parents who taught me to be respectful and act properly. I am amazed when I see how some kids my age act. Obviously its not all the parents fault, but you have to question how the kids were raised. If kids are not taught how to be respectful you can not solely blame them for being disrespectful. I also believe though that you can learn a lot from observing your peers. This is where the saying you are who you hang around comes into play. I don't think this means that you become just like them, but they do influence you. You either pick up on their positive attributes or learn from their flaws. The sad part is some people our negatively influenced by their friends and begin making the wrong choices.
I agree that what you learn from your family and your friends impacts a person greatly. Like the old saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Our family is our genetics. We share more then just environment because we are related. As much as I say I am not going to be like my parents I realize as I get older that it is inevitable. They have engrained their morals and beliefs in me. I always think to myself that they are being weird or dorky but I'm sure when I have kids one day they will think the same thing of me. With friends we share so much of our time with them. I know that I have picked up some of my friends corky mannerisms before just from hanging out with them so much. We go to school together and we grow up in the same time period. We share culture and therefore a common bond.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. I like to say, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." They way parents act has a big affect on how their kids act. Even if its not obvious and out there, you can still see it in the little things. Parents these days are always at work and divorced and it’s really sad because the child has to suffer from it. I’m not saying this happens to every kid in these situations but a lot of the time it CAN happen. Kids hate their parents for it sometimes. I don't have a good relationship with my parents because they were never open with me. Now it’s hard for me to have close relationships with other people. It’s really weird and psychological but its true. Parents need to be more loving and compassionate and focus on raising their kids more. Maybe the world would be better....
ReplyDeleteI am lucky that both of my parents grew up to be responsible adults. They are our role models. We follow there way of thinking. They have instilled great values that I still hold upon to this day. Without them, I don't know where my life would be. I know I get mad at my parents sometimes. But I still love them and use their guidance to help get through life.
ReplyDeleteBrambles also made me think about my own family. My family is a rather traditional nuclear family like Overcast's family. Although my family definitely has problems I'm still grateful for growing in a stable situation. This stable situation led to me being a good kid in college. While growing up I noticed how a unstable family sometimes led to kids going down the wrong path. I wondered if I had been in that situation how I would turn out. I hope I would still be the same person; but sometimes terrible situations either make us stronger or put us down the wrong path. Either way I'm grateful for my upbringing.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. It's a huge debate in psychology as well: nature vs nurture. Are we born with personalities, or does our environment shape us? I believe both, but more so on the nurture, how our parents/guardians raised us. How our peers treated us, and how we were punished or rewarded in life. My parents are divorced, have been so since I was 3 years old so I have grown up not knowing what it's like to have a close relationship with my father. Although both of my parents re-married, it still takes away from being raised by your true father. My dad is really calm and relaxed, my mom more uptight and organized. I was raised by my mom so I have my moments where I'm relaxed (nature) but I'm generally organized and always involved with things (nurture). I don't know, I spend a lot of time reflecting on these types of things. I like learning about why I am the way I am and who helped me behave the way I do.
ReplyDeletei absolutely agree. most kids acquire positive and negative traits from their parents. i can totally see where i resemble my parents in the way i live my everyday life. i am very thankful for the way they raised me and because they always sticked together. i can defiitively see how different people act mainly because the way they were raised. for example whats morally right for some might not be for others depending on what their parents taught them. parents play the most important role in shaping a young child into a a teenager and eventually an adult.
ReplyDeleteI definitely also believe that our parents and peer's actions affect us greatly. It could be something that changes us for the better or it could be for the worse. I believe in both nature and nurture. I strive to be like my mother, the most amicable, humble, genuine, and truly nice person I know. My dad on the other hand, is extremely stubborn and a lot more forceful about things. I have grown up to be as stubborn as him but don't want to be like that with my kids. What we see and who we are has a lot to do with them.
ReplyDeleteYour surroundings and who you are raised by is definatly a major factor in the type of person you become. If you are raised in a single parent home, you will be forced to take on more responsiblites and grow up faster. If you are raised in a house filled with addicts and abuse you are more likely to follow that path because that is all you know and what you were raised on. I believe that your parents are one of the biggest influences in your life. Whether its positivly or negatively. I believe that is why parenting is such a major responsibility in ones life. It is their personally responsibility to shape and develop their child into society.
ReplyDeleteEnvironment has an enormous impact in shaping who we are. We are surrounded by and influenced by our environment everyday. The phrase "you learn something new everyday", whether it is realized or not we pickup on outside influences and change everyday. We are a slightly different person each day we wake up and place our head on our pillow cause we are very susceptible beings. Sometimes this is good and sometimes this is upsetting. LIke when a "good kid" joins the "wrong crowd", it most likely will change that kid into something that he/she was not raised to be. Whether I do like it or not, I see myself in my parents. I can be stubborn like my father and sensitive like my mom, but maybe one day I can find a good balance.
ReplyDeleteI know that my parents have influenced me quite a bit, but I still don't want to be like them. They are more closed-minded about things than I am. I apply the things that they taught me to my everyday life. Even something as simple as double checking if I locked the door. I also believe the friends that you make is somewhat of a reflection of yourself. If you hangout with people that are going to work hard in school they will influence you to do the same. But if you have friends that don't work hard at all and just slack off that will probably cause you to do bad in school. The environment that we surround ourselves with has an influence on the kind of person that we become.
ReplyDeleteI’m going to spend this response talking about my cousins. They. Are. So. Spoiled. It’s unbelievable how little they do for themselves. Their mom, my aunt waits on them hand and foot. They are both in their twenties and still living at home. Up until a few years ago they were both still hand fed at the dinner table. I still can’t get over how spoiled, self-centered, and dependent they were. Scratch that; how dependent they ARE. Yeah they aren’t hand fed anymore but it’s still disgusting and disgraceful how helpless they are. I can’t figure out how something could go so wrong in a person’s head to have that feeling of entitlement. What can make a person think they deserve something based solely on their existence? Sorry for my ramble.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely do have to consider the environment people grew up in when you meet someone and begin to find flaws you may not like. It could be partially their fault, all their fault, or maybe just their parent's fault. You never know until you ask or find out yourself somehow. Also, like you said, we can take things from what we see our friends doing. I know that if my friends do something that bugs me a lot, i try my hardest to avoid doing or acting like that so I don't bug them as well. Some of my friends have influenced me positively and some maybe negatively. I have also learned from some that I don't want to be like them so I try hard to not do the things they do. Sometimes we just can't help the way that we act. I get angry and aggravated really easily and I know I get that from my dad because his dad is hispanic. I guess I inherited the temper. A lot of times I wish I didn't get so frustrated with small things, but its just how I am.
ReplyDeleteThe story definitely got me thinking about my family and my parents divorce. As well as how i was raised and how my parents acted around me and the structure in my home before the divorce and the structure afterwards as well. I've looked back at the before and after and everywhere in-between for that matter more times than i can count, but it is always interesting to hear someone else's story that reminds you of something. A lot of people say sorry about the divorce and whatnot, but honestly it is really not needed. My parents should have gotten a divorce long before they did, but never did because they thought it would be easier on us if they just "put up with one another" and waited it out until my brother, sister, and myself were out of the house. They weren't happy with one another and whether or not you understand it as a little kid, you will understand later that when you aren't happy you have to get out of a situation, there is no point of staying in it and beating yourself up everyday because it is only going to get worse.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with being astonished at how some of our age group acts. I believe it has A LOT to do with how their parents raised them, but the environment and their peers have a good bit of influence as well. Then again like you said, if someone doesn't really have parents or parents that are there for them then you can't blame the parents because they weren't there to guide them for whatever reason.
I agree with your points quite a bit. While the way we are raised does not predict who we are, it is definitely a huge influence and prediction. My father went through his parent's divorce when he was a kid, but it didn't negatively affect him very much. That's because he was quite young when it happened. If you look at his older siblings, half of them are drug addicts, and the other half has been married several times. My dad has seen this firsthand, and is a very devoted husband to my mom. He knows how negative childhood experiences can influence a person's future. Because of this, he tried to minimize them in my life.
ReplyDeleteI think personality comes from parents, but behavior is all on the kid. My dad is a super loud and funny, and my mom is very outgoing and fashionable. Thses personality trait definitely passed to me. But behavior is a different story. My dad is a heavy drinker, but I rarely drink at all. My mom goes to clubs and parties, but those kinds of things arent my scene. So although my personality stems directly from my family, my behavior is a choice.
ReplyDeleteI think parents do influence us as their children to a certain point. My dad is a cool guy but did not used to really show emotion. It was hard when i was young because i am a lot more emotional, in a sense where i express myself. I am more like my mom. She is emotional. I have certain traits but i don't want to be my parents. I behave differently but i am influenced by my mom and dad a lot. And sadly many kids are raised with bad influences. Some flourish by learning from mistakes but other fall on the same disruptive path.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I believe that how you were raised affects who you are later in life, partially. Now, granted there are those kids out there that we all know who are crazy and still come from a good home, but I know deep down, they have to remember what their parents taught them. I have definitely gained both flaws and good attributes my parents have. It's funny because at home, my dad would always get annoyed if we didn't clean our room or left plates on the floor. Now that I'm in college, I can't stand those things. But for some kids out there with bad home lives, they don't always turn into a bad person growing up. I believe that it's all about who you put in your life that will give you either a positive or negative outcome. One of my friends grew up in a terrible home life, parent's in and out of jail and he pretty much took care of himself. I think if it wasn't for my family to take care of him and teach him things, he wouldn't be the person he is today. It's all up to the person to decide which road to take.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this blog post. Our parents really do influence us and our personality. I too am amazed at how some people act. I believe that when we are younger the way our parents raised us is how we will act. But once we are adults it becomes mostly our faults if we act disrespectful. There comes a time in our lives where we have to learn what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes we learn that what are parents do and how they act is wrong and we know not to do it. Unfortunately there are a lot of people in this world that never learn from their parents. I personally have characteristics like both my mom and dad. I have learned what not to do from them but sometimes I am caught acting exactly like I said I never would. Both of my parents are good people and raised me correctly but we all have our faults. Most of my thinking about 'the way life is' and 'how to properly act around adults and superiors' comes from my father. Some would say that what he believes is 'warped' or 'old fashioned' but I think he is completely right. Plus it's the way he raised me, so I don't know anything different. I get my talkative personality from my mom. She tends to talk to strangers like she has known them all her life and I am the same way. I am friendly and sometimes way too forgiving, just like her. I believe that my parents are right at how they think and act most of the time. Of course we all think differently about our parents. So we all have different thoughts on what is 'right' and 'wrong.'
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI agree that your personality is affected by your parents. My dad works a lot. He is only home half the time so I spend a lot more time with my mom. My dad is very close minded when it comes to a lot of things but my mom is very open minded and accepting. I find that the way I look at things is much more like my mom than my dad. She and I have a lot of the same personality and sense of humor. I really admire her in a lot of ways. I definitely think I am more like my mom because I have spent a lot more time with her than my dad.
ReplyDelete